I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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