just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
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So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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