Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
