I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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