I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
