Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
