How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I've blown a few things in my day
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
