just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
