hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
