I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
