people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
