i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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