i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
