im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
