we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
