people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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