she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
