he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
