I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I need water and some morals