just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket