you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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