Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
