I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
