ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
