he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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