He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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