you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Randomize
