I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
