This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
