Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
