I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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