its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
