I'm so fucking centered right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In other news, I just burned my penis
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
