This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
