Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
