so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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