I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
