How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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