Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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