Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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