my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize