NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
