I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
