i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
