Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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