apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
