You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
