So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
