Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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