You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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