there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
