I met the friendliest cop last night
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
