You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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