Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
