DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
