I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
