So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We had sex on a dog bed..
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
