True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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