We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
