Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
