the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
