I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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