Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm passing your future prison.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
