how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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