butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I need moral support for this bender
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
